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Bipolar Essays - 3rd and Near Fatal Suicide Attempt

 
Bipolar kills people by suicide. My mind has a lot of trouble often, with thinking Bipolar should kill me. In one calendar year, I counted up 28 isolated days where I felt suicidal. That is a lot of time spent with "bad thoughts". I have seriously attempted suicide 3 times, each time progressively more deadly. This 3rd and most recent effort found me near dead, out on public BLM land. These links are to my own words, either writing my best friend, or posting to Internet forums I frequent - some I frequent more often then others. As all are different audiences, my words describing events, my feelings, and actions of those around me, vary in style. I believe I have me a 2nd chance at living. It is on the odd chance that my words might help someone else out, with this dark side of Bipolar, that I post these words of mine.

"Where at midnight I stumbled, at dawn, I found jewels"

My psyche doctor has diagnosed my mental state at the time, as psychotic. And he pursues aggressively treating for psychosis in me. All I really know is I was extremely angry leading up to the event.

Index

note, that my best friend also has Bipolar Disorder

  • Bipolar Breakout Mood Episode 2005
  • Mood statistics On Lithium (354 days), and Off Lithium (394 days)
  • Last Email to My Best Friend before the Attempt
  • First Email to My Best Friend after the Attempt
  • Posting to "Survivors of Suicide" Forum
  • Posting to "mainstream" Bipolar Support Forum
  • Posting to "radical" Bipolar Support Forum
    •

    Living with bad thoughts just goes with the territory. It is part of Bipolar Disorder. The tricky part is too not act on those thoughts. I work hard at this all the time.
    This is my favorite link on How to NOT Commit Suicide

    These essays were written by me. My name is Linda.
    My bias is that I have Bipolar Disorder 1 with Psychotic Features (prone to mixed, prone to rapid cycling). And so does my brother.
    I have a university degree in Environmental Science and worked for 20 years in corporate computing before becoming too ill. (15 years of that in Aerospace and 5 years in Telecommunications)

    Recommended Reading - Must Reads For Bipolar's and Their Families

    Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy for Bipolar Disorder, Second Edition
    Absolutely the best description of Bipolar Disorder I have read anywhere. An excellent read for giving your mind a chance to over come mood.

    The Bipolar Workbook: Tools for Controlling Your Mood Swings
    By the same author as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. This is the CBT workbook I have needed from the beginning. Truly non-pharmaceutical Mind over Mood stuff - that works.

    An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
    An easy, quick read that both the person with Bipolar will recognize themself in, and their loved ones will recognize what Bipolar Disorder is. Kay Jamison both has Bipolar Disorder, and is a Psychiatrist. If you read no other book - read this one.

    Wellness Recovery Action Plan
    Wellness Recovery Action Plan WRAP - the most self empowering recovery method I have run across anywhere.

    My name is Linda. I welcome your feedback.
    However, please be gentle and speak softly.
    Ordinary real life rocks my mood, and I really don't need Internet email, to set off a mood episode in motion - you know what I mean?
    I look forward to hearing from you, and if I can be of help in any way, I sure will try.

    Disclaimer

    The intention of this site is to provide understanding, information, and commentary. The diagnosis and treatment of Bipolar Disorder requires trained medical professionals. The author of this site is NOT a trained medical professional and cannot give professional advice, diagnose, prescribe, or in any way treat Bipolar Disorder. The information here should NOT be used as a substitute for seeking professional care for the diagnosis and treatment of any medical/psychiatric disorder. If you feel you are ill or know someone who may be, seek medical attention as soon as possible.

    © Copyright 2003 Linda Fisher™

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